因为此时此刻的感觉是无法形容的。

谁会知道，原来”回家”是多么的困难？

原来曾经最熟悉的可以突然变得陌生？

原来“熟悉”和“陌生”这两个很明显有冲突的形容词是可以在同一个情况发生的。

原来喜欢跟讨厌是两个可以在同一个时候存在的。

原来，回到家里，竟然比在国外来得陌生。

原来这些曾经很熟悉的陌生人是比陌生人更陌生。

原来，我再也不属于这里。

那么，当我说“回家”，

我指的是什么？

我家在哪儿？

这家是我该回来的吗？

even with tumblr, xanga rocks.

'nuff said.

"good things come to those who wait."

"time has its way of healing, so let time do its job."

"nothing is gonna solve itself if you leave it hanging there."

"being the first to apologise doesn't mean you're wrong, it means you treasure the friendship enough."

"forgiving doesn't make that person right, it's setting yourself free."

"if you're important enough to that person, he'll apologise. if not, why bother? he's not worth it."

"if he's bad influence, you don't need him in your life."

"just because he's wrong doesn't mean you have to stoop to his level and be wrong as well."

"if he doesn't respect you, i don't see why you should respect him."

"people NEVER change."

but i saw change happen.
a slight glimmer, perhaps,
but i did see it.

yet, who do i think i am?
having the ability to change someone, *scoff*
you can't possibly think you're all that, can you?

sigh.
i need wisdom, Lord. 

we all saw this coming,

but still, people just dont seem to learn.
myself included, hey.

cuz like, its not like its the first time i've been reminded to rely on God's strength.
yet, stupid vern. you still use ur own anyway.

you very strong meh now, har?
so much strength to use meh?
u stronger than God meh?

no right?

yalor. always have to learn the hard way.
(mind my overly malaysian use of language. genuine bah this!)

thank you, ODJ, for reminding me to rely on God's strength.
thank You, God, for always having so much for me to tap on.
thank You too, for being so awesomely guiding me through.
see i believe, that with You, things are just better.

but really. i've learnt so much today.
and i owe it all to You. =)

Oasis.

is the name of my new gadget.
one that allows me to be online on skype almost 24/7
and messenger too! hahahah

okay. so new gadget aside.
classes have started this week,
although there was a time we got stood up by our tutor.

hmm. being away from studies for a year sorta turned my brain into mash.
there'd be questions asked that i know nothing of.
which is really kinda new to me,
cuz like, i used to know the answer to almost everything in college.
hmm. i wonder if i will excel or plateau.
(daddy will say: OF COURSE TRY YOUR BEST TO EXCEL LA!)

yes daddy. i will try.
you didnt send me here to just be some barely passing student.
dont worry. i promise you i will do my best.

my life is beginning to take flight here.
2nd week over, and i dont cry that much anymore.
i still miss home, but not to the point that i will cry.
only..... once in a while? hahaha when touching things happen la.

God has been faithful.
i think nobody else can love me like Him.
(okay typing this puts a lump in my throat. ngeh)

but yes. He put people in my life to love me.
i am beginning to see some of the prayers prayed over me come true.
like one that goes: that God have favor over me in the new people i meet.
and lecturers, and studies...
so far, God has been favor-ful.
almost everyone i meet i instantly befriend,
no matter how different a background we come from,
or how different the same language sounds coming from our mouths.

but of course, being skeptical as i always am,
(i wish i could be more optimistic, really)
deep down inside i have this fear that all this wont last,
that its just "beginner's luck"
that all this will just fade away and i'll be alone once more...

hmm. God, i put my relationships into your hands la okay?
You do what You wanna do with them.
i follow only. can?

went to a cell group sorta thing on wednesday.
felt quite at home cuz my group leader's from malaysia too!
i do see alot in her that i wanna learn though.
hopefully this is a start of another fruitful relationship?
pray pray!  

today we're going for a picnic cuz the weather's so good!
sunshine!
it was raining the whole day yesterday, had to walk home in rain.
hahaha how disgusting.
but thank God rain here is not like Malaysian rain.
like, Malaysian rain comes down like buckets of water from heaven.
rain here is more like.... cups of water?
little fine droplets la.
but if you walk a long way you'll get wet too.
raincoats are amazing creations arent they? XD

off to hit the showers and get ready for the day! =)
gonna be having dinner with a bunch of malaysian friends later tonight too!

with all the love from almost halfway round the world,
vern.  

and hey, one week's over

and here comes another weekend.

hahah it felt like the longest week, really.
had trouble identifying what happened when.

on a lighter note though,
YVONNE'S HERE!
i really dont know exactly how much i thank God that she's here.
sorta like a balm for homesickness.
cuz at least there's a homie here.
and Evan's here too,
so that's really nice!
saturday tomorrow.
wonder what we'll be doing..

well. this one week has taught me a few things:
that really, im not as independant as i thought i was.
psht. people who used to think i'm independant,
myself included,
probably didnt count in some external factors.

its quite a challenge to need to worry about all three meals in a day,
to worry about laundry and clothes,
to worry about what to wear for warm reasons instead of wearing just anything,
to need to check what temperature it is outside before heading out,
and needing to take a scarf and jacket everywhere

and just... everything.

its so different from home here.
the home that i know and love,
and have grown so accustomed to.
i guess this really is part of the whole package of studying away from home.
being ripped away from all one's support systems at home,
and needing to redefine oneself.
only now i realise the different aspects of my personality that i have derived from my surroundings and the people around me.

another challenge is to let go.
(yes yes, i admit, i really do have issues letting go)
being in touch from home makes it miserable to be here,
yet knowing that you'll be back home in due time makes you want to be in touch.
i guess one really has to draw the fine line between being in touch and not letting go.
that is my lesson to learn i guess.
God, please help me.

so... this week was still pretty eventless,
cuz classes havnt started and all,
but i've been out quite abit running random errands.
spending time with a friend called cynthia,
who's also from malaysia.
its nice cuz we keep each other company and stuff.
we play with her camera,
we play with makeup,
we go shopping and cooking together,
thank God for people that He put in my life.

also met this other guy from Beijing,
who's got a pretty cool name: Ono. hahah
it all started with the borrowing of a pen. XD

my course has like 100 over people.
went to get my timetable today and realised it's quite sparse.
not much to do in a week, with Tuesday being my off day.
hopefully there'll be more to do as days go though.
i wanna enjoy myself here!

oh and another thing about my course is this:
almost 80% of them are mainland chinese.
in which means, they come from China.
it's funny how i come to England to study,
and end up learning more Mandarin.
nyeahahahah.
but really, never have i been more appreciative of my Chinese education.
makes it heaps easier to make friends.
since, yknow. they're all... Chinese. hahaha
they're rather impressed with the way i can speak 3 different languages.
its so cute. hahah

and im getting along quite well with my flatmates.
they discovered accidentally that i sing.
which is funny cuz everytime i bump into them in the kitchen
they ask me to sing.
which is awkward, but nice.

oooh i hope the music scene here is gonna be happening!
really wanna experience new things here!

and i really hope that the church scene will be happening too!
hopefully can find myself a mentor for the year.
anticipation!

one of the things that has helped me settle down here
is seeing God in almost everything i do,
and everywhere i go.
knowing that home is where the heart is,
and that i've given my heart to him,
then everywhere he is, i am home.
so im gonna have Him here,
my temporary home.

i promise you homies,
i will be happy here.
because i know that you guys love me together with God.
and that keeps me going. 
<3